A Life Update

I originally started this little space a few months before Mark and I got married.  I wanted to chronicle all the excitement leading up to our big day not only to share with our family that live outside the DFW area, but so that I would always have it to look back on and share with my children some day.

Well that was just a gigantic fail seeing that we closing in on 11 months of marriage...Oops!  However, I do feel like I have a pretty good excuse - I was just too tired!

I'm breaking my blogging silence to explain what exactly has been going on with my life.  A lot of people already know, a lot of people think they know, and I am sure some may be curious after seeing vague Facebook posts (which I really hate), so I am ready to just put it all out there.

On June 27th, after several years of  doctors appointments, blood tests, wrong diagnosis, and people thinking I was being over dramatic - I was officially diagnosed with narcolepsy.  Finally getting a diagnosis was such a huge relief; however, I am not going to lie...it initially brought a little bit of shame and embarrassment.  My great-grandma had narcolepsy and I guess I always associated it with something that really only affected older people.  The more I've learned about the disorder though - that embarrassment has gone away.  I am not shy in talking about how I am feeling, although I feel very few people truly understand.

Narcolepsy is a chronic neurological disorder that causes excessive daytime sleepiness and interrupted nighttime sleep. If you are curious to learn more about narcolepsy, you can read more information here.

Looking back, I really started seeing signs of this disorder in college.  I experienced periods of insomnia and couldn't sleep but an hour or two for a week or so at a time. During my senior year, I started to feel a little bit more run down and it became harder to get through cheering an entire game.  I chalked it up to my busy schedule and a few too many Chimy's margaritas on the weekend.  The symptoms really magnified in the past 3-5 years though.

Slowly but surely, I became too tired to want to do anything really and I needed naps to get through the day.  In the months leading up to the final diagnosis, I was napping in my car every day during my lunch break and right when I got home (and usually once more after working out - if I had the energy to work out that day..) I couldn't make it through the day otherwise. I've fallen asleep in several restaurants and have left weddings/parties/bars to go sleep in the car until everyone else we were with were ready to go.  I was terrified to drive and often struggled to stay awake on my way to/from work.  I would beg the Lord to help keep me awake.  In May, I actually did fall asleep while driving and got in a small accident.  Luckily, I was in traffic and I just rolled into the car in front of me so no one was injured.  I've also suffered from severe headaches and muscle weakness, especially first thing in the morning or when I get extremely tired.

This disorder really has robbed so much of my life the past few years and it makes me so sad.  I've lost touch with friends and I hate making any plans, as I get extremely anxious about being too tired.  It also makes me feel so bad for Mark.  In our first year of marriage, I just haven't felt up to doing anything and I know that affects him just as much as it does me.  It has affected my relationship with the Lord since I struggle to stay awake during my quiet time or when trying to pray.  I feel like I can never be "in the moment" and I rarely see glimpses of who I know I really am. It makes me sad, angry, and frustrated.  And despite my friends and families best attempts, I just don't feel like anyone truly understood how I was feeling.

I don't share this for pity, sympathy, or attention but in hopes that it gives everyone a better understanding of what has been going on with me lately.  I plan on sharing how we finally got the diagnosis and the plan of action tomorrow.  If you have any questions - please do not hesitate to ask!